A Lesson From SG1 Regarding Solicitors
by BookWorm37
Summary: Sequel to 'Telemarketers' but that doesn't have to be read for this one to still make sense and be funny. SJ established. SG1 and doortodoor solicitors. MEANT ONLY IN JEST. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY. COMPLETE


A/N: This one can be considered a little more controversial than 'Telemarketers'. Please, don't take offense - I didn't mean any.

* * *

The doorbell rang, bringing Jack out of his peaceful sleep with a moan. Sam mumbled something in her sleep beside him, refusing to wake. He kissed her forehead before looking around his room to find a pair of pants to put on. 

Soon he opened his front door to discover two men in their mid-twenties looking back at him. "Good afternoon, sir. My name is Elder Bryant, this is Elder Wayne. We represent the local branch of Jehovah's Witnesses. Might we have a minute of your time, sir?"

An evil thought came into Jack's mind right before he said, "Can you hang on just a second? My girlfriend was about to show me how to properly sacrifice a goat. I'll be back in two minutes," and slammed the door in their faces.

When he went back to bed he was chuckling. Sam stirred, opening a sleepy eye at her boyfriend, "Who was that?"

"Just someone who needed a lesson in waking up a grumpy Colonel on his first day off in months that he gets to spend with his beautiful girlfriend."

Sam grinned, pulling him down for a kiss, "Did you teach it to them?"

Jack smirked, "Oh, yeah."

* * *

Teal'c opened his front door, intent on telling whoever it was off for interrupting the only time he had to spend with his beloved TLC Channel all month. Instead he found a middle-aged woman and two young girls with Girl Scouts uniforms on. 

"Hello, sir, may we interest you in some cookies?" one of the girls asked enticingly.

Teal'c eyed the children warily before turning to the woman, "What is the purpose of your actions?"

"We're raising money for a new marquee at the elementary school," the woman said with a smile Teal'c could easily pin as being fake.

"At what price do these … cookies come?" Teal'c asked, turning his attention back to the little girls at his door.

"They're six dollars a box," the second girl said confidently.

"That price is unsatisfactory," Teal'c said, closing the door in their faces. Only a few hours later, when his stomach was hungry for cookies did he regret his actions.

* * *

"Hello, sir, my name is Tim Anathy. I'm from the local branch of Latter Day Saints and I would like to talk to you about the afterlife," the man on the other side of Daniels' door said with a smile, his hands clutching a few booklets and a copy of the Book of Mormon. "May I come in?" 

Daniel cocked his head, "No. You wanna talk about the afterlife, we'll talk right here. Me, I believe that we all become energy after we die – if we're good enough and we choose to accept it. Everyone else just ceases to exist."

"Ah, sir," the man said nervously, "But how can you know that unless you have died yourself before."

Daniel raised his eyebrows, "You doubt that I've died before?" His watch beeped, indicating that it was time for him to take the pain meds Janet had given him for his concussion after that fight SG-1 had gotten into. "Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to go commune with … Oma Desala."

Tim was completely baffled and determined to find out what 'Oma Desala' was. "Will you at least read the book?"

Daniel looked at the books in the man's hands. "If you read my thesis on how the pyramids of Egypt were really built by aliens."

"Umm, no."

"Then, no." And without another word, Daniel shut the door in the man's face.

* * *

Sam opened her door after one ring of the doorbell and smiled politely at the woman and two young girls dressed as Girl Scouts standing there. All the guys on their way to her house for a team night and she was just about to order the pizza. "Hi," she said politely. 

One of the little girls sniffled, "Hi, would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

Sam cocked her head slightly, noticing the boxes the woman was carrying indicating the cookies were with them, "What kinds do you guys have?"

The other little girl perked up, "We've got peanut butter and pecan and…"

Sam sighed, wishing she hadn't asked. She turned to the woman who must have been their mom and asked, "How much for a whole case?"

The woman shrugged, "About a hundred bucks, I think."

Sam reached for her purse and handed the woman two hundred dollars. "I have some friends coming over who _love_ Girl Scout cookies."

The woman grinned at Sam as she handed over the two cases and took the money, "Thank you so much. My younger daughter has been crying non-stop ever since one man slammed the door in our faces after hearing the price."

Sam grinned, "Was he a big black man with a gold tattoo on his forehead, shaped like a body builder?"

The woman nodded, "Yes, he was."

"He's one of my friends and he called me about an hour ago telling me that he wanted some cookies."

The woman laughed, "Thank you so much, ma'am."

"No problem. I used to be a Girl Scout myself once."

When Sam walked back into the living room with the two cases of cookies, Jack smirked at her, "You used to be a Girl Scout?"

Fin

* * *

A/N: So? Does it live up to the first one? 


End file.
